Tuesday May 11, 2010 is a day that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Jimbo and I decided to let Gabby sleep in the nursery that night in hopes of getting a few hours of sleep before we were home alone with a new baby. I walked Gabby down to the nursery at around 10 p.m. and went back to the room. Jimbo wanted me to walk so we decided to take a stroll down the hall around eleven. About half way back to the room we were met by my wonderful nurse Carole and the nursery nurse. Then those words came out of Carole's mouth, those words that I will never forget, "the nursery nurse believes that Gabriella had a seizure, and they are moving her down to the NICU." About a million things ran through my head after hearing that. I thought maybe I was dreaming but I wasn't. I thought maybe it was someone else's baby, but it wasn't. My knees got weak and I felt as though my heart had just shattered into a million and one pieces. Tears ran down my face just like a waterfall. It took all of my strength and Jimbo's strength to get me back to my room so that we could wait for the NICU doctor to come up and talk to us. Those 10 minutes waiting seemed like 10 years but Dr. Sutter finally came up to talk to us. She said she wasn't sure what had happened and that Gabby had been moved down to the NICU and they would be watching her very closely.
We were able to go down to NICU to see our baby that night. I hated going to that floor and walking into that place; it was full of tiny little babies. Some fighting for their lives and others fighting so desperately just to go home. We walked over to #34 where they had Gabby and I totally lost it. Seeing her there made those million and one pieces of my heart each break into a million more. I felt so helpless. I just wanted to pick her up and hug her and make it better. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
We stayed a few hours and went back to the room at around 2a.m. and were met there by Carole. She was an amazing nurse. She was really supportive and caring and helped us so much during the whole ordeal. She tried to comfort me but I was inconsolable. I blamed myself, I didn't know exactly what I had done but I just knew it was my fault. What had I done? What went wrong? What was going to happen? Why was this happening to MY baby? Why?
Part 3 made me cry!
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